Congratulations, you’ve written a novel. You’ve experienced the initial rush of epiphany and the flurry of organizing that single idea into a detailed outline. You’ve trudged through the swampy, muddy mess of putting prose to paper. You’ve trekked up and over the mountainous terrain of editing and editing and editing yet another and another and another yet draft. You’ve considered your novel finished and maybe even rewarded that effort with a self-given pat on the back or a self-gifted commemorative token only to wake up in the middle of the night questioning whether that comma on page 132 is necessary, or not.
Now, the only thing standing between you and literary immortality are the masses proclaiming your work to be the best work since the last best work. Which means… you need to gain readership. Which means… you need to market your novel. Which means… your book needs endorsements. However, fear not my intrepid traveler because here are six book blurbs to help catapult you and your novel to Shakespearean fame and J.K. Rowling fortune.
Of all the books I’ve seen in all the years I’ve lived, I’ve only read a handful. For a man with an average hand size, that’s one. And that one wasn’t this one. But this one’s probably good. And it certainly fits in one hand. So, there’s that.
Jordan Nadroj – Some French Newspaper
TITLE may not be a novel you need to read, it may not be a novel you want to read, but it certainly is a novel. There’s no denying that. The rest is debatable. Mark, my words.
Mark Arthur Pete The Third III – The San York Beacon Sun Tribune?
NAME writes how Mozart played. They’re a natural. No, they’re the Natural. Wielding a pencil carved from a tree struck by lightning from Jupiter, NAME’s a genius, a virtuoso, a master and commander of story and prose and plotting and all the literary things. They’re the next great one.
Definitely not NAME – Definitely Not a Made-Up Establishment
Of all our two children, NAME is one of the best writers. Of all the books either of our two children have written, TITLE is the best. By default, of course, but still the best.
Mom and Dad – Standard and a Half Post
I just write whatever I want? About the book? But I haven’t read the book. Well, shouldn’t that matter? Okay. I guess the book looks all right. It’s got some nice heft to it. Not too small, not too large. I like the cover. Is that enough? You’ll just transcribe this for me? Great.
Man at Shopping Mall – Shopping Mall Weekly
How many words does a novel need to count as a novel? That many, huh? How many does this novel have? That many, wow. I’ll stick to Dr. Seuss. Should I say something nice about this? Okay. Read this book because it’s great. If you don’t read it, nobody can blame you. I certainly can’t because this has way too many words. Apparently, NAME’s never heard of brevity. Probably the only word, judging by the overwhelming size of this yard-sale leftover.
Woman at Shopping Mall – Shopping Mall Monthly