So You’re Starting a Band and Need a Kick Ass Name?

If I remember correctly, John Lennon said that “a band is only as good as their name.” Or was it John Legend who said that? Actually… now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure it was Lenin.

Either way, Lennon, Legend—or Lenin—the quote makes a good point: People shouldn’t judge books by their covers, but people should judge a band by their name.

For example, everybody bags on Nickelback, not because their music is to hearing as cinema of the unsettling is to seeing, but because nickels are virtually worthless in today’s economy. Nobody is excited to get a nickel back, therefore nobody likes Nickelback, the band. If they’d named themselves OneHundredDollarsBack or TwoHundredDollarsBack or FatStacksBack, they may be bigger than the Beatles, or John Legend, or Lenin’s Soviet Union.

Nevertheless, here are a list of taste tested and approved band names:

  1. Hopeful Sell Outs

  2. From Garage to Grunge

  3. Back to the Garage

  4. Damn, Foo Fighters is Taken?

  5. Kurt Vonnegut and the Fart Jokes

  6. God’s in the Corner, Drunk

  7. Sex and Boobs

  8. Boobs and Sex

  9. Taint RockersRubber Duck and Cover

  10. Wishfully Famous

  11. Wistfully Shameless

  12. Blissfully Blameless

  13. The Blisters and the Nameless

  14. Damn, What’s Another Word for Nirvana Because That’s Taken Too?

  15. We’ll Pay for Groupies but We Won’t Pay for That—Whatever That was Which Meatloaf Wouldn’t Do for Love

  16. Cold (sore) Play; or, Herpes

  17. Brevity’s for Losers and Punks and Chumps and Jokers and Chokers and Clowns and Doofuses and Doofi and Doofexes and Doofies and Booger Eaters

  18. Camus and the Existentialists

  19. Sartre and the We’re Intellectuals

  20. Damn, U2 too?

  21. Why Bother?Because We Have Fans

  22. Only Our Moms

  23. Fair Enough

  24. Also, I Sold My Xbox for My Guitar so There’s No Going Back

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Dear Abstract Expressionist(s), I’m writing to you because I’m afraid you’ve lost your way and are in desperate need of guidance. After spending the weekend attempting to interpret the best of your be